Friday, February 25, 2011

yeller! huling post ko nung araw pa ng mga puso.. wala! wala akong napala! dinedma ng hayup lahat ng parinig ko.hahaha! nakakatawa nga kasi feb15 umalis sya nagiimagine pa ko na paguwi nya may dala sya para saken nagppractice pa ko ng reaksyon wala naman pala nakakalooooka talaga.

ok naman ang araw ko. around 3 nagyaya si mama, punta daw kaming tagaytay sabe ko next time nalang kasi wala kaming datung pero syempre nagpapacute lang ako nun kaya syempre sinama parin kame. pumunta kame ng picnic grove at nagpicturepicture. gosh namiss ko yung place, huling punta ko ata dun si dess at ace pa ang kasama ko. anyway, umuwi din kami agad kasi madilim na at sobrang lamig, si mimit at entong sinipon na. dumaan muna kame sa total at uminom ng kapeng walang kwenta sa bonjour tapos dun kame nagdinner kina mama.

mga 11pm na ng nakauwi kame ng bahay. aroung 2 di parin ako makatulog kaya naghalungkat ako. nakita ko yung mga loveletters saken ni beb dati nung mga panahong patay na patay pa sya saken tapos nakita ko din dun ung sulat sulatan ko. natatawa ako kasi parang gawa ng grade5 at yun ang ibabahagi ko sa inyo ngayon. ginawa ko to baby pa si mig, mga 2years ago. kung ano ang nakasulat, yun din ang ilalagay ko ditey kahit mali mali pa ang spelling at grammar. wag nyo nalang pansinin kung walang kwenta kasi boba talaga ako sa english partida sa gawa kong to effort na effort talaga ako.hahahaha!

things that im proud of

The other day, I tried searching random names of my classmates on facebook. I felt excited as I found some of them. Some I only knew by names and some were my good friends back then. I tried adding them and not to my surprise they still knew me very well. so we had this usual “hi, hello” thingy and the “where you at? And how’d you’ve been doing” conversation. From then I learned that they were all doing great on their chosen fields. One is a nursing graduate from my dream school, now an RN working and at the same time having fun travelling in the US from one state to another driving her own car. The other is just a few steps away on becoming a doctor and now on an out of town escapade with her med barkada before their finals.  And the girl who I remembered as just a “normal-common” is now a sales manager on a well known car dealer. I don’t know, but I just suddenly felt depressed. Ok I admit I felt really envious but I can honestly say that I’m happy for them. I just kept on thinking “what about me?” “what happened to my future?” I was once the smartest and brightest student in our class, students always look up to me in all my school years. I graduated as valedictorian twice (preschool and highschool) and become a university scholar on my first year of college (sorry to state these all, I guess I just wanna boost my  until things went terribly wrong. I took advantage being in the big city again with all the temptations in front of me, spending too much time doing nasty things, taking other good things for granted, disappointed all the people who believes in me, fell deeply in love and got pregnant before I even finished my studies. Now I’m undergraduate and jobless. Everything went to blur… the girl who was once everyone’s idol, the girl everyone believed in, the girl who’s every parent want their children to be, had become their worst nightmare. I abhorred myself for that. Killing myself thinking about the undying “what if’s” and “what could have been’s”. As I stared blankly on the wall I started to think, “what are the things that I can be proud of?”  “Am i really a loser?” then I felt a little hand tapping  my lap, a handsome little boy smiling and mumbling words I can’t understand, suddenly im back to reality. Of course I got a lot of things that I’m proud of and let me state all of them.

I’m proud of my few friends who stayed by my side no matter how stupid I am, I’m a proud granddaughter of my kind lola zeny for she spent all her life supporting and loving her kids and grandchildren, I’m a proud daughter of my smart parents.  Thanks for loving me and supporting me ‘til now especially my mom who can be a monster at times but I know that she always have a good heart. And as for my father, I know he loves me the way he knew even though he’s such a pain in the ass. I’m a proud owner of a handsome three year old golden retriever named sam ,  a very loyal and loving dog and loved by everyone. im a very proud partner of don, the one who stayed to be the man whom i love and adored from day one, my very bestfriend,my one great love. the only one who can say im still pretty even though i ‘v got three giant zits on my cheek. I’m a very proud mother of my very cute angel Miguel. so tiny yet owns the biggest part of me,  the reason  i still got to smile even on the very worst days of my life, my little guy who taught me how to love my own life eventhough i went to a different path.

I may be spending my nights changing diapers and preparing a bottle of milk for my baby rather than partying like people my age does, but having a peaceful sleep with the people you truly care lying beside you is priceless. I may be staying all day inside the house taking care of them rather than travelling around, but why travel? when i can spend my whole day laughing my heart out while having a great time doing anything with them. I may not be earning bucks but im happy being a nanny of my kid paying me with so much love and joy. Nothing beats waking up in the morning seeing their faces and kissing you endlessly.

I know I’ve made mistakes. Guilty of having stupid choices, but these things leads me to something I’ve ever dreamed of. With them around me who doesn’t care how i look,what’s written on my resume and how much money I’m earning makes me really proud. Their unconditional love is enough to let me feel “fulfilled”. But don’t get me wrong. I’m not stopping here, everyday is a learning process. I still hope and pray to make these people im proud of, be proud of me when my big day finally comes. :

1 comment:

  1. Nakakatawa ang simula ng entry mong, to, teh. Like always -- Yenyen na Yenyen. :D

    Pero tama. Parate tayong may maipagmamalaki. Pag nga naiisip ko na yung mga classmate ko nung HS kung saan-saang lupalop na ng Asya nakakarating ako andito lang sa Pilipinas iniisip ko na lang na kahit pagsama-samahin nila mga sapatos nila, mas madami pa din yung akin. HAHAHA. Tsaka, yes, having people who love you unconditionally is something you can be proud of. Kahit si Kadong eh parate mong sinasabihan ng bwiset, he stuck with you through everything and that's something great na. Alam na alam ko yan. Hahaha. Wag na naten ungkatin pano ko nalaman. Alam na naten yun. Haha. ;)